So I work at target now and one of my favorite things to do when I hear something in the next aisle fall is to drop what I’m doing and stand at the end of that aisle like so:
so this housewife decided to rewrite the harry potter series into christian books so that her kids wont be reading about witchcraft and i just cant eveN BREATHE BC THIS IS SO HYSTERICAL
read it here:
google street view is the best, example:
"Calm down, Liara. I was only joking."
I was chatting with a donor before I drew his blood, and he was a dentist. when I actually drew him, there was just a little squirt of blood and it surprised him
I looked him in they eye and told him “you’re bleeding because you don’t floss”
and he went dead silent
had the opportunity and fucking seized it
what i’d really like is for someone to objectively watch me for a week or so and then just sit down with me for a few hours and explain to me what i am like and how i look to others and what my personality is in detail and how i need to improve where do i sign up for that
ive been meaning to make work-related comics forever, so enjoy some choice movie title bastardizations.
(these all actually, seriously, happened, with no humor or awareness on the part of the customer at the time as far as I could tell. so, yes, someone actually asked for a ticket to “Detergent” with a straight face.)
(INDIGNANT HUFFING) NOT ALL M……ale lions
the more i think about it, the weirder this comment seems. how does this man know that being a male lion is more stressful than being a female lion. has he lived as both a female and male lion before. is this man an Animorph
male lions rights activist
as a big cat fanatic and a zoo veteran:
male lions are lazy fucks. they CHOOSE to fight cos they’re BORED.
This is Zero, the most photographed lion in National Geographic history (so I’ve been told). While his huge frame and two-toned mane make him an intimidating sight, he is essentially the biggest baby I observed while in South Africa.
You would hear these deep roaring moans echo across the reserve… and it was Zero, whining for the girls (Maggie and Lisa) to bring him food. The lazy bum would just roll around in the river bed moaning and groaning until the females would show up with a kill.
Sure, he could fight if there happened to be a rival male in the area. And his ‘mock charge’ display was intimidating enough to keep just about everyone* out of his way… but 99% of the time this guy was all about moaning (for food), mating, and mane-flips.
* - The only animal not run off by Zero’s display was a honey badger, who - true to form - did not care.